waiting.....

Its 9 pm just got both kids to bed and S(boyfreind) is at work. the younger kid is kinda wimpering so idk if she is going to sleep for sure or not


Today was an ok day, SUPER hot out, my freind stoped by, i will have to tell you all about her some time she has been on a crazy rollorcoaster her whole life and it never seems to get any better for her

Then Sid stoped over, sid is a freind of mine i have had for about 10 years now, i have always found him to be attractive and always wanted to do dirty things with him, back in june i got my chance with him, and it was quickly blow but it was for the better, though no i am sitting here and am worried i am pregnent and if i am WHOS the daddy OMG i really screwed up this time, the thing is i have taking 4 HPT's and all have said -but i have put on some weight but i ahve been eating like a pig but i dont have any good reason for eating like a pig, i am so fat,, i am very sort and should only weight about 110 but i am at 180-185 right now, and its is starting to gross me out but mroe i tihnk about it the worse i feel and the mroe i eat, i wish i had will power to starve my self or start puking, i would kill to be the size of my sister, i hate her for being so skinny, of course kids did play a role in part of why i am this fat, but alot of it has to do with who i am, i eat my feelings,

I have been thinking that i wish i was singel for a bunch of reasons,
like i am kinda bored having sex with one person all the time, and the sex, sucks, like i really have to do to much work to get off, i want someone who knows what there doing get me off with out me having to be like "do this" and "this" ect. like come on now whe have had alot of sex you would think by now he could get it. and really DONT BE SCARED TO GET ROUGH WITH ME, sex is a dirty act MAKE IT THAT WAY! pin me down fuck me hard! thow in extra finger in now and then, choke me, i am nasty and dirty and you just can handle what i want, move on find a new girl, leave me let me find someone new with out crushing you!

heres the deal, i have never liked my childerns daddy, he just kinda never left me alone and i just gave up and gave him a shot hoping nothing would come of it, no i am here yers later with 2 kids no life living at my daddys house jobless, poor, and traped while he works a pretty esay but stress full job, i feel like i am one of the biggest loosers out there and becuase i dont want to crush him i stay hoping he will just get some balls and leave me.

well shit i am going to wacth some pron talk to an old boyfreind and make him want me, then not give him a thing, then go to bed and masterbate for a while then sleep the night away
good night you sicko's